Clueless Bride-to-Be Seeks Advice from Smart Blog Readers

2009 Halloween photograph shot by Cade Bowman

In a mere month and a half's time, my favorite photographer and high school classmate will fly up to Vermont and shoot our engagement photos. Adam and I are extremely excited for Cade's arrival and we have a ton of ideas for our shoot. Cade is no ordinary photographer; he has a photojournalist edge, loves to push the creative boundaries and turns out photos that are anything but run-of-the-mill. While many brides strive for the couple-sitting-on-lawn-or-bench-staring-fondly-at-each-other brand of engagement photos (and that's totally great for them) this is not what we want. I mean, c'mon, you've seen the Halloween photo we sent out (which, by the way, was shot by Cade.) We want creative, unique poses juxtaposed with anything but ordinary buildings and settings. We plan to use props and fabulous clothes. In short, these engagement photos will rock!


As I dream of my engagement photos, it occurred to me that I have no clue what couples do with these photos. I knew we'd get some blown up and scatter them throughout our house and I knew that we would give our parents some photos as gifts...but what else? We don't plan on designing a photo Save-the-Date or invitation, so that doesn't really fit. Perhaps other family members and friends will want copies? Or perhaps we'll just keep them for our pleasure and use them to make a photo book guestbook or something for the wedding? We also might use them at the wedding reception or ceremony in some fashion. My Mom didn't have much insight into this, as she quickly discovered she didn't know anyone who'd gotten engagement photos other than to use in the local newspaper. I don't think we'll be using them for that purpose, simply because Adam and I think it's a waste of money and doubt anyone in our small towns care about our upcoming nuptials. So, I turn to my wise blog readers. Surely some of you have taken and/or know others who took engagement photos. What did they do with them? What should we do with them?

Inquiring Minds

When an engaged couple decides to have a long engagement, such as we did, the novelty of being engaged tends to wear off for outsiders. I know, it sounds terrible, but it's true, and that's OK. Eventually, us being engaged becomes pretty normal. Our engagement used to be the topic of frequent conversations, we received "You're Engaged!" cards and gifts from friends and family and were subjected to a constant stream of wedding questions and suggestions that occasionally felt as if we were taking part in the wrong end of a firing squad. This stage was fun, and now we are in a different stage. Every one's still excited, but in a long-term, let-me-know-when-something-exciting-happens kind of way. There are benefits to this stage, too, because it allows Adam and I to really think and scheme and plan. At this point, only every once in while, do I get one question. People now ask, "What have y'all planned already and what are you working on now?"

What are we doing now? The truth is, we're still not doing hardly anything. As Adam put it some time ago, "We talk about it and talk some more, but we're not actually doing anything for real." Our wedding is over a year and a half away. We talk a lot about it, we gather inspiration from magazines and websites and we make many lists. Lists of projects we plan on DIYing (do it yourself) and lists of tasks we should be doing during these early planning months. I know what you're thinking. Time will start to fly soon and we'll be outta time. {10 points to the first person who can name the movie in which "OUTATIME" is featured on the license plate of a main character's car.} So, yes, I am keeping this in mind. I don't want to run out of time either. At any rate, I know people are wondering, so here is what we are actually, currently doing with the wedding...drum roll please...

1. Researching venues online. Compiling list of venues, with a ton of information about them, for final consideration and tour. Becoming frustrated with lack of venues that contain all of our wants and desires.
2. Researching caterers (in the event we can score a super sweet venue that allows outside catering) and researching bakers. Becoming hungry from this research.
3. Contemplating our wedding party. You're not getting anything out of me on this topic.
4. Deciding on our color scheme. Yes, we have one. No, I'm not telling you.
5. Gathering inspiration for and imagining our Save-the-Date cards and invitation suite. Loving the fact that I'm a graphic designer and can do all of this myself.
6. Booking our photographer. Check! Who knew the guitarist and singer of my favorite hometown band in high school would become an amazing and talented photographer?
7. Discussing our budget. Fun. Times.
8. Engaging in heated debates about music. At least we know we'll have some.
9. Wondering how much it costs to rent tables and chairs and not feeling particularly excited to look it up.
10. Trying to convince Adam it would be insanely fun to break a glass at our ceremony, despite the fact that we are not Jewish and some may find this offensive. So far, he's not buying it.

Whew. It sounds like a lot when I type it, which obviously means we are doing a lot! What do you think? Are we doomed to run outta time or are we still looking good?

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!

Man, how I wish a fairy godmother would appear out of nowhere and design a beyond fantastic wedding dress for me. That's not such a big request, is it? Since Adam and I are not getting married for a couple of years, there is no pressing need for me to dress shop just yet. After all, styles change and my style is constantly evolving. The last thing I need is to pick a dress tomorrow and realize three months prior to the wedding that I hate it.

But...I am a girl...and a girl who loves fashion. So, I can't help but leaf through countless wedding magazines and peruse endless slide shows on the Internet, searching for a dress that speaks to me. Unfortunately, seeing dresses on the Internet or in print isn't quite the same thing as trying them on. And while I've yet to find any dress in a magazine or on the web that I immediately knew I would love, I hold out hope that trying dresses on will be a whole different ball game. There are a lot of trends out right now that I could see myself rocking. And a lot of beautiful dresses. What's a girl to do? As a preliminary step, I thought it would be interesting to post a few photos of the hottest dresses for fall of this year (they are deemed the hottest by...other people...dress critiquing experts, if you will.) Weigh in and let me know if you could see me in any of these fabulous dresses. Maybe you like the top of one dress and the bottom of another? Perhaps we can just chop them in half, exchange and sew them back together. With so many styles and trends to filter through, I thought some opinions and suggestions couldn't hurt. Discuss away.

Once Upon a Time...

Adam and I at our first Halloween together.

As we plan our wedding, and you spend valuable time reading about those plans, I am constantly reminded of where we started. Great love stories usually begin with a meet-cute, a chance encounter where a man and woman are introduced and their lives of happily ever after begin. Ours is no exception.

Zach and Kelly met in high school, Donna and David sparked while dancing the night away at a school dance, Carrie and Big literally bumped into each other on the street and Adam and April met at a date auction. Yes, a date auction. I know what your first question is, as I have gotten it for about 6 1/2 years now. "Did you buy him?" The truth is, I didn't. I know, I know...but how did our happily ever after begin if I didn't buy him? I'd like to tell you it was fate or destiny or one of those things, but the reality is, it was just smart planning by a girl who was smitten.

Adam was auctioned off as part of a charity function his fraternity was participating in. It was fall of my freshman year at UNC, and I was looking for those quintessential college experiences. My new friend, whom I met in Spanish class, was a member of Adam's frat, and asked if I could please come to the date auction and help to ensure there would be a full house. So, armed with one of my good friends, I arrived at the auction and took a look around. I spotted Adam across the room and immediately thought he was gorgeous. Later, he danced his way down the catwalk, soliciting cries of 60 dollars!, 70 dollars!, 85 dollars! Here is where the story gets slightly embarrassing. I thought no one was watching. I assumed everyone was busy with their lives. All but one person was...the frat photographer. I discovered, weeks later, as I was perusing the frat website (a.k.a. stalking Adam by finding information on him) that I had been caught. There, on the photos page, were snapshots taken at the date auction. When I got to the photos of Adam, I saw a terrible, terrible sight. Everyone in the crowd was talking, smiling and laughing while Adam stood on the stage. Except one. In the middle of the crowd was a girl who was not talking, laughing or smiling. This girl was staring. Staring up at Adam when no one else was. Staring up at him with such purpose that one wonders why her neck wasn't breaking from the strain. A whole crowd, busy with activity, one boy looking in the distance and one star-struck, smitten college freshman with an aura around her as she stared up at the boy of her dreams. This girl was me.

I was mortified. What a terrible, embarrassing photo! After that, I didn't see Adam for months (thank God!) We spoke briefly at the auction, but nothing big, and life went on as if nothing happened. In late January, my friend asked me if I wanted to tag along to another frat function since it was spring rush season and they needed hot girls to entice boys to join. Nice, huh? In a young adult novel, this would be the part where the character determines it was fate that brought her and her crush back together. I'd like to be given more credit than that. My friend was Adam's frat brother, I always knew this. I mean, hell, that's one of the reasons I kept him around (just kidding!) When I was invited to the event in January, I knew Adam would be there. In fact, I asked my friend if Adam would be there. Some call it fate, I call it follow through. I made a first impression at the auction (boy, did I ever!) and now it was time to get my charm on and close the deal.

I went to the event. And I charmed him. After that there were other frat events and dating and drama and perfect moments and imperfect moments and falling in love and an appreciation ring and amazing summers...and...life. And happily ever after.

So there it is. The story of us. Is it what you expected?

Let's Talk about Themes

When planning a wedding, people often fall upon a particular theme to unify all of their decorations, colors and stationary. There are beach themed weddings complete with ceremonies on the sand, starfish on the invitations and vibrant blue colors throughout. There are seasonally themed weddings, such as Christmas, complete with snow, ornaments as favors and holly decorating the tables. Now, most people know that I'm the kind of girl who loves a themed party. Parties I've thrown in the past include an 80's party, Halloween costume parties, a retro slumber party and a movie screening party. I love the idea of picking a super fun theme and incorporating into the invitations and decorations. Plus, themes are just awesome. Anyone can throw a party, but a theme party is a little something extra.

While I'm not sure Adam and I want to carry over my love for themed parties to our wedding, I thought it'd be fun to at least humor the theme possibilities. Here is what I've come up with:

1. Halloween
• It's no secret that both Adam and I love Halloween. Remember those scary cards you received in the mail last year? We could easily incorporate ghoulish touches into our wedding. The centerpieces would consist of jack-o-lanterns with carved out hearts or the letter "A." Black, wrought-iron lanterns would line the food tables and hang throughout the room. Our archway would be decorated with twisty branches and tiny bats. Each guest would receive a trick-or-treat bag full of candy as they departed. Sounds like a wicked good time to me!
2. Movies
• While you may think this is a theme only for me, the truth is, Adam and I watch all our movies together. I make him sit through hours of 80's films featuring John Cusack and he attempts to explain time travel to me while watching every Terminator movie. This would be an easy wedding theme. We could name the tables after our favorite films. We could screen Casablanca on a large screen (without sound) throughout the reception. We could have a popcorn bar at the end of the night featuring different flavors of toppings. And, our invitations could look like a movie poster or a ticket.
3. UNC
• This is the most obvious of the themes. Adam and I met and fell in love at UNC, so it's only natural to consider a Tarheel wedding. Carolina blue would be everywhere! Guests would get cookies shaped like the UNC logo. Our alma mater song would play as we entered the reception. And maybe we'd throw in something to remind people of our basketball legacy...after all, Adam and I saw 2 National Championships while we were there.
4. Books
• Here's a little detail about Adam and I that you may not know. I have always, always loved to read. I tear through books like they're going out of style. Adam enjoys books, but hates the reading part. So, for the past 6 1/2 years, I have been reading out loud to Adam. Yes, that's right. I read the entire Harry Potter series (books 1-7) out loud to Adam. We also read books like The Hunger Games trilogy, the Twilight Saga, Bridge to Terabithia, and many, many more. This could be a fun, unexpected them. Stacks of books would serve as centerpieces. Tables would be named after our favorite characters. And guests would receive a bookmark as a favor. Readings at the ceremony would be from books. Definitely not something you see at every wedding.

With so many themes to choose from, the possibilities are endless. These are only a few. Which do you like? Can you think of more themes that would fit Adam and I? Or how about this, what about no theme other than "we're getting married"?

Have we Met? My Name is OmigodIhavetohaveeveryshoeIsee.

A few weeks after Adam and I first began spending time together, I trucked over to his dorm room to retrieve my forgotten cell phone. No, I did not leave my cell phone in his dorm on purpose. Although, I must admit it worked out quite well that I did. Anyhow, I entered his room and sat on his futon while he went to the dresser and got my phone. When he came back, he looked down at my black-and-white-DC-shoe-covered-feet and said, "You're a shoe person, aren't you?" I burst out laughing and thought, "Oh, honey, you have no idea."

I love shoes. Correction, I live and breath shoes. I could run a Steve Madden boutique out of my closet. Naturally, this means a very big decision is to be made. What shoes will I wear as I become Mrs. Cochran?

Of course, I already have several picked out. As many of you know, I love the tall shoes and I have a bit of a funky style. And, I am a firm believer in the use of colors. So, without further ado, here are the current contenders: 

So, which do you think I should celebrate the next phase of my life in? I confess, I already have a favorite. Can you guess which one?

Meet my Archnemesis: Should

I have some enemies, I'll admit it. People who won't accept my Facebook friend request. It's sad, really, but it's true. Of all my enemies, however, none is more irritating or haunting than Should. You see, with Should and I, it's more than just a mild dislike. I HATE Should. And I doubt Should feels great about me, given my thoughts about him. Should is the kind of guy who follows you around telling you what to do. And when you ask Should why you're supposed to do such a thing, he doesn't have a rational response. He replies with, "Well, it's just something you should do." I hate that. I despise that. I have never, ever been a Should girl. Throughout my quarter of a century, I have seen my fair share of Should girls (and boys), especially in high school. Should ran high school. He whispered evil things in every one's ear. He established the rules of high school survival. The phrase "every one's doing it" was and still is the bane of my existence. I like to think I live a life where I defy gravity every chance I get. And I know, Adam feels the same.

Lucky for me, Should doesn't come around too much anymore. I think he knows the war with me is lost. However, now that we are planning our wedding, I fear Should will haunt my life again. There are many aspects to a wedding, some cleverly renamed as "traditions" or "etiquette", that reek of Should. As Adam and I plan our nuptials, we continue to come across details often seen in cahoots with Should. Details such as: the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the cutting of the cake, the father/daughter and mother/son dance, the wedding party dance, invitation etiquette, etc. People often tell me these pieces should be included in all weddings. Well, I'm sure you know my response to those people. With years of anger toward this enemy, how do we sift through each of these and keep our goal of making our wedding about us and not about Should? In my next few posts, I'll be discussing the pros and cons of some of these traditions (i.e., Should in disguise), in an attempt to hash out whether or not we want them to be included in our big day.


Adam and April vs. Should, Part 1: Bouquet and Garter Toss
I've been to a few weddings, and at all of them, I participated in the catching of the bouquet. In fact, at the most recent wedding I attended, I caught it. The story behind this ritual is that the bride is tossing her bouquet blindly to a gaggle of single girls, each of them hoping to catch it because it signifies that they will get married next. One girl passes her good fortune in marrying a man to another. I've never been particularly thrilled to participate in this activity, and here's why. If you are not in a serious relationship, you don't want to be reminded of this. And, if you are not in a serious relationship and you actually catch the bouquet, its meaning is a bit of a stretch and not so much fun. If you are in a serious relationship, catching the bouquet can be something of a thrill. When I caught the bouquet last month at a wedding, it was exciting because it's true, I am getting married next out of all the girls there. But, it could end poorly if an in-a-serious-relationship girl catches the bouquet and everyone looks at her serious boyfriend and he appears as if he's going to vomit.

Now, I assume the story behind the garter toss is the same, but with men. The groom removes the bride's garter and then blindly tosses it to a gaggle of single men, each one of them hoping to catch it because it signifies that they will get married next. One man passes his good fortune in finding a lady to another. I don't think Adam has participated in this activity, so he's of no help. Personally, I think the garter toss is a bit ridiculous. For one, it can be quite scandalous. Some grooms take it upon themselves to remove their bride's garter in a fashion they learned from a porn film. Another thing, if you look at the "gaggle of men" awaiting the flying garter, they never look excited. No man wants marriage forced upon him by some crazy tradition. The only reason he's there is because his girlfriend shot him a death stare and gave him a you-better-catch-it pep talk. Third, these are boys. They don't want to do this. Face it, they don't care.

As if all of these moments of both tosses aren't awkward enough, tradition then orders the garter-catcher to place it on the bouquet-catcher's leg. This gets especially tricky when the two catchers are related. And yes, I have seen this happen. You don't always create a magical moment where a long-term couple you adore catches both items and they rejoice in the knowledge that they are headed for the altar. Sometimes, it turns out awkward. Or embarrassing. Or both.

I don't know where I stand on these friends of Should. I've seen them result in fun, but I've seen them result in disaster. While I hold no stock in the story behind the tosses, they might be fun to include just as a wedding activity. I mean, we don't let the truth that there's no Santa stop us from celebrating and participating in the stories. What do you think? C'mon, give up your bouquet and garter toss horror stories now, I know you have them. And most importantly, are Adam and I bouquet and garter toss people?