**Little known fact about me, I can't stand Charles Dickens. I hated Great Expectations. I dislike Dickens because he seems to take about three pages to make a point he could have made in about two sentences. Way, way too wordy. But, I digress.
Wedding expectations are like the "Are we there yet?" of road trips. Every time I think, hear, say or write about an expectation related to my wedding, I just want to whine, "Are we there yet?" I hate expectations. You know how I feel about Should, which is a relative of an expectation. Sometimes I wish the only thing people expected during wedding planning is that the bride and groom will actually get married. Alas, we are all human. We have thoughts, opinions and expectations. Part of planning a wedding is fielding said expectations and not driving yourself crazy over them. I am the kind of girl who could care less about what others think. Harsh, I know. And, I'll be the first to admit this quality is both a good and bad one. In fact, I know several people who would just call me brutally insensitive. That's fine, it's something I am working on. To that effect, I am trying to find a zen-like balance in planning my wedding surrounded by expectations. While I would normally greet any expectations with a "I don't care what people are saying/thinking, I will do what is best for Adam and I" attitude, I am trying to change that to a more open, "Let me ponder that expectation and examine all angles of it. In the end, I will do what is best for Adam and I without crushing the hopes/dreams/wishes/desires of others to smithereens."
So, what kind of expectations am I talking about here? Well, there are the easy ones. People expect a ceremony and a reception. Done. People expect food. Done. People expect an open bar for the entire wedding. Say what? People expect to be invited to the wedding despite the fact that they wouldn't know who I was if they walked by me on an empty street. Hmm. And then there are more difficult expectations. People expect only traditional "wedding reception" music to play. It'll happen, but other music will happen as well. People expect to be assigned to the same table as certain other guests during dinner. Wedding party members expect to sit with their significant others at dinner, even if their significant other is not in the wedding party. People expect to make a toast at the wedding. And finally, there are the really, really difficult expectations. People expect all members of their family to be invited if they are. People expect their young children to be invited. People expect to be part of the wedding party.
And, let's not forget, I have expectations too. Tons of them. I am at fault as well.
Lost in a sea of both others and my own expectations, it's hard to keep your eye on the prize. I've only been engaged roughly six months, but this I have learned: I cannot please everyone. I can adopt a zen-like attitude toward these expectations and curb my normal insensitivity in an effort to be a bigger person, but in the end, someone will still be unhappy. While this should not stop me from attempting my zen, it also will not be the death of me. I will not drive myself insane because of these expectations. I won't be the girl who screams, "It's my day and that's what matters." I am nicer than that. But, I do hope that every person who has an expectation will perhaps realize there is a bigger picture.
Expect this. At some point in the not too distant future, two people who love one another with every cell in their body will commit themselves to eternity in front of those they love and cherish. They will stand proudly, smiling outrageously, possibly crying, stuttering nervously and laughing dorkily in front of you as they publicly declare, "You are the only one for me." I can promise nothing but this. And this, and only this, is what matters the most.
