Meet my Archnemesis: Should

I have some enemies, I'll admit it. People who won't accept my Facebook friend request. It's sad, really, but it's true. Of all my enemies, however, none is more irritating or haunting than Should. You see, with Should and I, it's more than just a mild dislike. I HATE Should. And I doubt Should feels great about me, given my thoughts about him. Should is the kind of guy who follows you around telling you what to do. And when you ask Should why you're supposed to do such a thing, he doesn't have a rational response. He replies with, "Well, it's just something you should do." I hate that. I despise that. I have never, ever been a Should girl. Throughout my quarter of a century, I have seen my fair share of Should girls (and boys), especially in high school. Should ran high school. He whispered evil things in every one's ear. He established the rules of high school survival. The phrase "every one's doing it" was and still is the bane of my existence. I like to think I live a life where I defy gravity every chance I get. And I know, Adam feels the same.

Lucky for me, Should doesn't come around too much anymore. I think he knows the war with me is lost. However, now that we are planning our wedding, I fear Should will haunt my life again. There are many aspects to a wedding, some cleverly renamed as "traditions" or "etiquette", that reek of Should. As Adam and I plan our nuptials, we continue to come across details often seen in cahoots with Should. Details such as: the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the cutting of the cake, the father/daughter and mother/son dance, the wedding party dance, invitation etiquette, etc. People often tell me these pieces should be included in all weddings. Well, I'm sure you know my response to those people. With years of anger toward this enemy, how do we sift through each of these and keep our goal of making our wedding about us and not about Should? In my next few posts, I'll be discussing the pros and cons of some of these traditions (i.e., Should in disguise), in an attempt to hash out whether or not we want them to be included in our big day.


Adam and April vs. Should, Part 1: Bouquet and Garter Toss
I've been to a few weddings, and at all of them, I participated in the catching of the bouquet. In fact, at the most recent wedding I attended, I caught it. The story behind this ritual is that the bride is tossing her bouquet blindly to a gaggle of single girls, each of them hoping to catch it because it signifies that they will get married next. One girl passes her good fortune in marrying a man to another. I've never been particularly thrilled to participate in this activity, and here's why. If you are not in a serious relationship, you don't want to be reminded of this. And, if you are not in a serious relationship and you actually catch the bouquet, its meaning is a bit of a stretch and not so much fun. If you are in a serious relationship, catching the bouquet can be something of a thrill. When I caught the bouquet last month at a wedding, it was exciting because it's true, I am getting married next out of all the girls there. But, it could end poorly if an in-a-serious-relationship girl catches the bouquet and everyone looks at her serious boyfriend and he appears as if he's going to vomit.

Now, I assume the story behind the garter toss is the same, but with men. The groom removes the bride's garter and then blindly tosses it to a gaggle of single men, each one of them hoping to catch it because it signifies that they will get married next. One man passes his good fortune in finding a lady to another. I don't think Adam has participated in this activity, so he's of no help. Personally, I think the garter toss is a bit ridiculous. For one, it can be quite scandalous. Some grooms take it upon themselves to remove their bride's garter in a fashion they learned from a porn film. Another thing, if you look at the "gaggle of men" awaiting the flying garter, they never look excited. No man wants marriage forced upon him by some crazy tradition. The only reason he's there is because his girlfriend shot him a death stare and gave him a you-better-catch-it pep talk. Third, these are boys. They don't want to do this. Face it, they don't care.

As if all of these moments of both tosses aren't awkward enough, tradition then orders the garter-catcher to place it on the bouquet-catcher's leg. This gets especially tricky when the two catchers are related. And yes, I have seen this happen. You don't always create a magical moment where a long-term couple you adore catches both items and they rejoice in the knowledge that they are headed for the altar. Sometimes, it turns out awkward. Or embarrassing. Or both.

I don't know where I stand on these friends of Should. I've seen them result in fun, but I've seen them result in disaster. While I hold no stock in the story behind the tosses, they might be fun to include just as a wedding activity. I mean, we don't let the truth that there's no Santa stop us from celebrating and participating in the stories. What do you think? C'mon, give up your bouquet and garter toss horror stories now, I know you have them. And most importantly, are Adam and I bouquet and garter toss people?